I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIV a looooooooooooooooooong time. How long? Since’s its PS3 days! While I’ve stopped here and there (because I didn’t have time to play), I’ve returned back to the game a couple of months ago to build up my character in anticipation of Endwalker.

Unlike @ribhigni who won’t play any class but DPS, I’m a completionist and I want EVERY class at max level. Since I rerolled a new character (because I’ve forgotten class rotations) when I restarted a few months ago, that’s going to take a LOOOONG time.

Here are my classes.

I’ve made decent progress but I’m only about halfway through. Right now, I’m playing as an Astrologian, which is where I got the idea for this rant.

Frankly speaking, playing a healer in MMO sucks. Playing a healer in FFXIV sucks even more.

The healing game is fun and rewarding, make no mistake. You really need to be able to think fast to survive AND make sure your party stays alive throughout. The problem is FFXIV forces you to group up with other people who don’t know what they’re doing.

Since I’ve finished most of the content in the game (including Shadowbringers), the best way for me to level is via the Daily Duty roulette, a grouped set of dungeons and raids. That’s where the pain and misery comes from.

FFXIV is seeing a massive influx of players coming over from the failing MMO that is World of Warcraft. Normally, I’d rejoice at fresh blood but as a healer their inexperience is a pain in the damn ass and I wish I have the option to just not play with new players.

I don’t mind if you’re a newbie…I once was too. What I hate are noobs; idiots who won’t listen (no matter how many times you tell them otherwise) and think they know it all just because they’ve played other MMOs (at least according to them).

Dungeons that can be blazed through with experienced players take twice (or more) as long with noobs. They venture off the beaten path, fight enemies that aren’t necessary, don’t know the boss mechanics and more! The worst is when they view cutscenes in Alliance Raids and make EVERYBODY wait for them.

I’ve always felt that watching cutscenes when you’re in a group is rude as hell. Other people are playing and they are waiting on your damn ass to continue. I didn’t even watch them when I was a newbie too, instead going to Youtube to watch what I missed. That’s why idiots who don’t do similarly piss me the hell off.

You’re making tons of other people wait just because you’ve not played the game?

Watch the damn cutscenes on Youtube or replay them again in the Inn!

As a healer in Final Fantasy XIV though, I particularly hate noobs for all the above reasons AND then some more.

Healers are pretty much taken for granted in 99% of the runs I do with noobs in them. As far as they’re concerned, a healer’s there to keep them alive no matter what shit they do.

I’ve had DPS charge in front of tanks, which means I now have the ‘fun’ job of healing their asses on TOP of keeping the tank alive. I’ve had tanks that like to chain mobs, which sounds like a smart thing to do until you realize that being in constant battle doesn’t let characters heal or regain MP automatically! Multiple times, I even had tanks that didn’t turn on their stance to aggro or pop cooldowns when they need to.

Or better still, tanks that plant themselves in one spot and then just lose all situational awareness. Adds that come in are ignored, leaving healers (oh wait that’s me), to keep on healing (and of course, that draws aggro), running around spamming mass heals AND trying to keep everybody from dying while trying to survive myself.

Don’t even get me started on greedy tanks that pull huge mobs, especially in low levels. Pro tip hot shot: Healers don’t have a ton of AOE heals or even Regens when we’re low level. How do you think you’re going to survive when we can’t keep up with the damage being dealt?

It might be vindictive of me, but a ton of times if these idiots piss me off enough, I’ll just stop healing them. I will honestly cripple the team just to screw with a noob. Am I an ass? Probably, but I’m the ass that’s keeping everybody alive and being a noob is making my job that much harder.

It’s not a challenge, it’s an annoyance! I play Final Fantasy XIV to relax, not babysit idiots!

It’s harder in Alliance Raids because there’s another healer, but if I’m a Light Party (4 people) and there’s a noob, he’s not getting a raise unless he’s the damn tank.

I pride myself on not rage quitting games…but I’ve done it a handful of times already because of these fools. That’s because I see no point playing with a group of idiots who’ll only make me suffer every single minute of the game I’m with them.

I’d rather take the 30 mins ban than slog through a dungeon only to have nobody even say thanks or give a commendation when it’s over.

Please Square Enix if you’re listening! Make it so I can skip playing with noobs/ newbies! I don’t mind the longer queue times if that’s what it takes!

Sal's been in the industry since the early 2000s. He's written for a ton of gaming and tech publications including Playworks, Hardwarezone, HWM and GameAxis. Recently, Sal served as a juror for the Indie Game Awards at Taipei Game Show 2020. A geek and hardcore gamer, Sal will play everything, on any platform.